why divorce

I so agree with your sentiment….but it appears sometimes over 10, 20, 30 years people grow into different hopes and dreams, different lives…they aren’t the same as when they were betrothed.

I would druther have stayed married, however my wife thought otherwise, in the end is it her happiness that was part of our original agreement anyway?  Would I really want her to stay against her will?  Sometimes you need to let the birds fly, you can’t keep them caged….

Thank God my parents are not still married!! They would both have killed eachother by now. It is a good thing that they have a few thousand miles separating them. And now they both have wonderful loving spouses that I get to have as special people in my life.
Sometimes we are no longer the same people that we were when we entered into the agreement.
Sometimes that is for the best.

I agree with Wil and Christiana.
I just read a great blog from Shyloh today that seems helpful.
Check it out here!

Love it, O. Good stuff guys.

My favorite thoughts on Love come from Leo Buscaglia, author of the book Love. Here’s a thought on “real love”:

“As soon as the love relationship does not lead me to me, as soon as I in a love relationship do not lead another person to himself, this love, even if it seems to be the most secure and ecstatic attachment I have ever experienced, is not true love. For real love is dedicated to continual becoming.”

~ Leo Buscaglia, 20th century Dr. of Love (from Love)

I second brains quote, and echo Wil’s appreciation for this entry in your blog. =)

I believe two people come together into a relationship to share their completeness with each other.  In a “good” relationship, I believe you feel more free than if you were alone because you fully experience that freedom.  That is always my indicator of how things are going.  I find in most people’s cases where they “fell in love” and the divorce (and of course this is a generalization) is because they “traded” each other.  Perhaps one partner needed sex, and the other wanted the status of being married.  Or maybe one person wanted to be entertained, and the other wanted, uh, sex.  =)   As soon as one of them feels like the other one isnt living up to their end of the bargain, things get ugly, because instead of saying “we trade you very much”, they said “we love you very much”.

Just my 2 cents.

Benzion ……when I got married I got married because I felt obligated to.  I was pregnant with his child.  I wanted to do the right thing.  I did love him……..or thought I did……as I was still a teenager.  I put no thought into …………….did he hold the same values as I………….did he have similar goals or religious beliefs…………etc…  All I knew was that aching feeling when we were apart.  I married because of a misleading feeling.  Feelings and emotions as we know tend to change…………………………..so I think it is better to build a marriage on a more solid foundation that has more to do with than love only.

I certainly am not the same person I was when I was 15………………and in hindsight my ex husband had completey different ideas about what a good life is.  How can you live a good life with someone if what both of you think a good life is……..differs?

Heidi

This is a great thread, or whatever you want to call it. My parents divorced, which was definitely for the best. My mom might not be alive if they hadn’t!
I am scared of marriage for all of the reasons mentioned above and more. I have been in relationship in “cohabitation” as wikipedia calls it for three years now….I love him. But I do not feel like marrying…why? I don’t know. But the whole divorce thing is kinda ominous. I am open to the possibility of one day being open to marriage, but if I were asked right now, I don’t think I could do it! A lot of people think that is cool and a lot of people think it is weak to live together and not marry. It’s a good thing I don’t care too much about what they think! (Except my grandma…)

Nice to read this thread. I am in the middle of a divorce and it does me good to see all these stories.

Peace